Black Spots on a White Cow
Occasionally our dairy industry goes daffy. As in duck.
It starts when some poor overworked near-sighted Holstein dairyman stares at a cow too long. The black spots on a Holstein cow start to have familiar shapes. Suddenly he thinks he sees something that the whole world needs to hear about. He thinks he sees a silhouette of Mickey Mouse on the side of cow #2509. He tells his friends, writes letters to national magazines, and worst of all he starts blogging about it. Those crazy bloggers will be the end of us all.
Really? Of all the things he could ponder on; cow health, trade with China, the Game of Thrones finale. No, his mind wanders to a Disney rodent in short pants. It’s because of stuff like this that we Holstein people get no respect from the Jersey folks.
We could deal with this one incident. It happens every few years but we could deal with it. It would be over in a week written off to a bump on the head, bad whiskey, or hemp yogurt. But it never ends with just one, thus the problem. Someone in another state gets excited so they have to comment that they have a cow with even a better Mickey Mouse. Then somebody else says the heck with Mickey Mouse they have Donald Duck and then off to the races we go. The cow is out of the barn with a Looney Tune on her side. Daisy Duck, Goofy, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Seven Dwarfs, and even the Family Guy makes an appearance.
Everyone needs to back off but no way. Staring at spots on a cow is the new thing to do.
Some people think they are more astute because they see politicians. Someone has cow with Richard Nixon emblazoned on her side. Somebody in South Dakota had a Donald Trump cow– it was a really fabulous cow too, everyone knew it. A dairy farmer in the Northeast had a cow with a Bernie Sanders image. She tended to lean to the left.
This gives way to the celebrity sightings Bob Hope with his signature nose, Marilyn Monroe (don’t ask), Bon Jovi.
Then the intellectual dairy people weigh in. But come on now – Tolstoy? Sartre? Overestimating your audience? Maybe Newman from Seinfeld is more in line for this group.
All this leads to the people that get in the game late after all the people and characters have been claimed. They go to geography. Florida, California, or Australia. I have even seen one from Idaho claim they saw Benewah County. You have to admire the research on that one.
Finally some wise guy Charolais owner claims he has a cow that has a Russian milking a white cow in a snowstorm and the fuss is over.
The Holstein cow is not a bovine Rorschach test. Who knows what a psychiatrist would say about us based on what we see in the black spots. Maybe we just need to go to Disneyland. Maybe we need to consume less alcohol.
I heard there was a cow in Minnesota that was headed for the place where lactating-challenged cows go until a little girl told the Disney people about the Mickey Mouse on the cow’s side. Disney bought the cow and put her in Disney World’s petting zoo in Florida.
I have been trying to convince Lithuania I have the perfect mascot cow for them. They have not responded. Likewise with the Austro-Hungarian empire. This could be a whole new market.
– John W. Wright of Wright, Inc. Dairy in Wendell, Idaho